“For the many men and women who have been following my website, you already know that I’ve talked about why you need confidence. Confidence is one of the most important skills that you need in life. It can help you get a job, make friends, and even get you a date. Without confidence, nobody in our society would be motivated enough to pursue their dream jobs, such as becoming a doctor or becoming a professional athlete. Our society would cease to exist as we know it.
There are many books and experts out there that will give you positive advice on how to develop confidence. They’ll share tips such as say hi to everybody you see, or smile when looking at strangers. This is all great, positive advice that can help people improve social skills…but unfortunately won’t eliminate the problem that’s causing the lack of confidence in the first place. Whenever a person has a lack of confidence, it’s usually due to a nagging problem such as being too short, fat, bald or having a huge bump sticking out of the end of their nose. Until these problems are addressed, no amount of tips are ever going to give these individuals the true confidence they need. Instead, over time, they will regress back to their original state, and if anything bad happens when they are trying to improve socially, they will become even worse than before. This is the equivalent of repeatedly sticking your hand in a pot of boiling water and then afterward wondering why it hurts. The better solution would be to just shut the flame off that’s causing the water to be hot in the first place. GOT IT?
For example, if you’re overweight and out of shape, go see a dietitian and personal trainer to address the problem. If you have a bad physical defect, then go see a plastic surgeon. Of course, if you’re too short, there’s not much you can do about that but don’t let that stop you from feeling good about yourself. It’s ok to address a problem if it’s causing extreme mental pain to you, but there’s a limit to how far you should go before it becomes too extreme. What I’m telling you is that I’m all for improving yourself, but don’t be a nut over it. Otherwise, go see a proper psychologist to get your head screwed on right.
Also don’t try to change too fast, overnight. Most likely your loss of confidence has developed over the course of many years due to being subjected to negative events that occurred within your environment. When you were a kid, you had no worries in the world and no concept of what embarrassment was. As you grew older and events happened such as spilling orange juice all over your pants causing other kids to laugh at you, you learned what embarrassment was. And all this embarrassment caused you to worry about what others thought about you. The accumulation of events such as this is what caused your self confidence to sink deeper than the Titanic.
Start by pursuing hobbies or goals that mean something to you. Something that you’ve always wanted to do but never got the chance to do, but that if you did it, you’d feel like you just conquered the world. I remember this one guy that I talked to while I was first starting out in college. The man was 84 years old and lived an amazing life. He once owned a successful business that he passed down to his grandchildren. Every month him and his wife would travel all over the world and meet some of the most important people in the whole world. He did everything he wanted to do in life except one thing. That one thing was to get an associates degree. Once he got that, he said he would feel like he accomplished everything he wanted to in life and that if he died after, he would feel no regrets. This was something he wanted extremely badly, and it had nothing to do with money or status. It was for his own self-satisfaction only. That is how you should aspire to feel, too.
Accomplish a bunch of personal highly satisfying goals, and you will not only start feeling positive about yourself, you will also realize that you are worth a lot more than you thought, but we usually judge ourselves a lot harder than others do. You will stand taller. Speak more assertively. And above all realize that all the negative visualizations that you saw in your head usually never happen. In fact every time you feel a negative thought popping up in your head just think of something positive. Over time as you keep replacing these negative thoughts with good ones, you will start to automatically develop a more positive outlook on life.
Once you develop enough confidence, then you should go out and develop your social skills because then it will be a lot easier for you. You won’t have to worry about working on both at the same time, and because you already feel good about yourself will only have to worry about being more social without the worry of what others are thinking about you. For the socially shy, this will be a lot less overwhelming and give you a chance to show others your good qualities instead of hiding them behind fear like a mask. A first great impression can last a lifetime, so make it great.
Take it small steps at a time and surround yourself with other positive people who can lift you up instead of bring you down. If you want to get into a certain field of work, emulate someone that you look up to that’s more successful than you, or better yet if possible let that person be your mentor. Above all, remember that nobody can change over night, so if you don’t become the person that you want to be right away don’t get discouraged and give up. Persistence and determination are what pays off in the end.
Remember that we are all human and nobody is perfect, so why compare yourself to others? A better solution is to compete against yourself and try to do better at improving yourself each day without thinking about yesterday or worrying about tomorrow. One day… who knows, you might even be on television as the next 84 year old to get his associatesdegree.“