"It’s The Stupid Economy, Stupid"
by Michael Kindt
"As I get older, I change, but the economy doesn’t. It’s obvious, but not completely—aging, I mean. Some things are given: I can’t drink like I used to. I actually NEED to sleep. When I was in my 20s, I’d get three hours and be good to go. Sure, I’d be grouchy, but I wouldn’t be physically compromised like now. I have gray in my beard. My manhood still functions, but sticking it everywhere now strikes me as a bad idea. And I have passed the point where bad movies aren’t amusing. They’re just bad movies and my time is more precious than irony.
One other thing I have noticed: “The Economy”. It always pretty much sucks, really sucks, kind of sucks, or is about to suck. It isn’t just this economy, but all economies. It sucked in the early 90s. It sucked in the late 80s. It sucked in the late 70s and in early 80s. It sucked under Carter. It sucked at first under Reagan, then improved. It sucked at first under Clinton, then improved, only to suck again under Bush II: The Revenge. This pattern has gone on forever. It boomed in 1920s, but crashed in the 1930s. Back and back we could go. The economy either sucks, is about to suck, or just got done sucking—only to suck again.
Surely you people in your late 30s and up have noticed this too? I contend that a 50 year old person has spent 30 to 40 years of his or her life under a bad economy. Imagine what would happen if there was no economy? News would cease to exist. All of the ideologies we have made up would be gone. You would go to talk about something and just end up shrugging your shoulders. There would be no politicians. All politicians do is worry about the economy. Everyone has a competing theory on how to fix the economy and, obviously, none of them work.
The economy is like a junky car into which you keep sinking money. The tailpipe falls off, so you fix it. The minute you get it home, the U-joint goes out. You fix that, but then alternator goes out. Next, the battery goes to hell…
This is our economy, all economies. You have socialism and unions and capitalism and mixed socialism and capitalism and bartering and communism and mutualism and god knows what else and it matters not one bit because the economy sucks, is about to suck, or just got done sucking—only to suck again. The economy is like a disease, like a disease the whole human race has. We can’t cure it, just maintain it. It’s like diabetes or AIDS that way. We can’t cure it and we’ll always be kinda sick and eventually it’ll probably kill us.
The funny thing is, you can major in economics. You can go to college and learn all about it, never realizing that you are learning how to simply maintain a partial, complete, or soon-to-be crappy economy. You have people studying the broken U-joint on our metaphorical car or people delving into the mysteries of the tailpipe. It never occurs to anyone that we need a whole new car.
I have no answers either. I can’t fix the economy and neither can you. The person you voted for certainly can’t fix it. You elected him or her to work on the economy. Why in the hell would they fix it? I wouldn’t perfect a machine that could write funny. Hell, no.
Perhaps having a crappy economy is necessary for us, like evolutionarily. It is so constantly and consistently not working correctly that maybe it gives us something to talk about and try for. If we had a good economy (that lasted forever, not just 2-10 years), perhaps we’d stagnate, like most rock stars do after they finally hit it big. It’s hard to be motivated when you’re sitting around your mansion with a gorgeous groupie with you all the time, amirite?”
In typical fashion, well informed, concerned Americans react to the economic news...