“Boehner: ‘I Don’t Want to Live in a World Where
Seven Million People Get Affordable Health Care’”
by Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)— “A riveting scene unfolded in Congress today as a tearful Speaker John Boehner took to the floor of the House to tell his colleagues, “I don’t want to live in a world where seven million people get affordable health care.” Tears streaming down his cheeks, Rep. Boehner appeared unable to maintain his composure as he delivered a speech interrupted by blubbering and sharp intakes of breath.
“What kind of a world is it where anyone can go on the Internet and get health care they can afford?” he said. “Not a world I’d care to live in, or leave to my children. It’s not right… and it’s not America,” he said, breaking down. Later, dabbing his eyes, a still-sobbing Boehner apologized to reporters for “losing it up there. I don’t like to get so emotional,” he said. “But when seven million people signed up for Obamacare, a part of me died.”