"Apple Advises Maps Users Not to Go Anywhere"
by Andy Borowitz
CUPERTINO (The Borowitz Report)— "Apple C.E.O. Tim Cook apologized for the ongoing problems with its Apple Maps app today, recommending that until it is fixed customers “should try not to go anywhere.” “Until we get this straightened out, I strongly urge you to stay at home,” Mr. Cook advised iPhone users. “That’s your best bet for not getting lost.”
Even as he apologized, Mr. Cook downplayed the number of Apple customers affected by the Maps glitch: “This only impacts Apple customers who have someplace to go. From what we can tell, most of our customers just go back and forth to the Apple Store and that’s pretty much it.” The Apple C.E.O. also advised customers whose iPhones consistently drop calls to “try using a land line.”