Sunday, May 31, 2015

“Rightwing Nuthouse: The Right's 5 Biggest Disasters This Week”

“The Right's 5 Biggest Disasters This Week”
By Janet Allon 

“1. Scott Walker becomes early front-runner for the Todd Akin “legitimate-rape” award. Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker thinks that women who want to have abortions should be required to have medically unnecessary ultrasounds first because they are “lovely.” Not the women, the ultrasounds. They are, the GOP presidential aspirant said, “a cool thing.” He shared this deep thought with conservative radio host Dana Loesch, then bragged that, of course, his end game is to prevent abortions altogether. Because forcing women to have medically unnecessary ultrasounds is not quite intrusive enough—he’d like to also dictate when they become mothers. “If (most people) saw that unborn child (they) would make a decision to protect and keep the life of that unborn child,” he said, tipping his fairly obvious hand.

Then he blamed the media for making it sound like passing a law forcing women to have ultrasounds when they don’t want or need them is somehow anti-abortion. Ha! Cuckoo, right? “Most people I talked to, whether they’re pro-life or not, I find people all the time that pull out their iPhone and show me a picture of their grandkids’ ultrasound and how excited they are, so that’s a lovely thing. I think about my sons are 19 and 20, we still have their first ultrasounds. It’s just a cool thing out there.”

So Scott Walker would like to order a round of “cool” ultrasounds for everyone, except of course the people who might actually need them, like uninsured pregnant women who are planning to have the baby. Because providing needed medical care, now that would be socialism.

2. GOP Maine governor Paul LePage has a teeny tiny little meltdown over not getting his way. It takes a mature leader with a steady temperament to lead a state... well, that’s one way to go, anyway. Or you could elect someone like Paul LePage, who this week promised to veto every piece of legislation sponsored by Democratic lawmakers in the state until he gets his way. His way is a constitutional amendment banning the income tax, and he wants that god-dang legislature to pass it. Or, frankly, he’s just going to take his toys and go home.

“The governor of Maine is going to make sure that every bill that comes down from the House and the Senate with a Democrat sponsor, will be required to have a two-thirds vote. Because I'm going to veto every one,” he said in a press conference, inexplicably talking about himself in the third person at first. “And I did a bunch this morning.” Interestingly, after this hissy fit, he said his Democratic nemeses in the State House are behaving like children and need a “playpen.”

Read more here.

3. Bill O’Reilly just comes out and says people who don’t agree with him are idiots. Bill O’Reilly got some jarring news this week. A new Gallup poll showed that the country is evenly spilt between liberal and conservative leanings. He had a ready explanation, though. “I believe only about 50 percent of the American people take the time to understand important issues,” he explained, slowly so that his viewers could understand him. “Half the country does not; they are simpletons, unwilling and unable to discipline themselves into formulating a philosophy of life.”

Bill, really not nice to insult the people who watch your show that way. It’s all the fault of the entertainment industry, he continued. “The stars are lined up in favor of liberal thought, and that is a powerful influence.” But wait, Bill. You’re the only star in our firmament. 

O’Reilly particularly has it in for that dastardly show "Modern Family," which has somehow made it seem “mainstream” to have a “gay lifestyle.” Yeah, why does every one like that show so much? Just because it's funny. Is that it? Now you people like to laugh? “Some who support gay marriage have branded the opposition as bigots,” O'Reilly whined. “A powerful, but unfair, indictment.”  Hmmm, care to elaborate on how that is not fair, Bill?

One sign that everyone who does not think like he does are idiots is the re-election of Barack Obama. Dumbo Americans failed to “grasp” Obama’s politics, O’Reilly said. Sucks to be the smartest guy in the universe blathering endlessly to idiots.

4. Colorado Republican has a novel idea for St. Patrick now that Ireland has approved same-sex marriage. Just because he got elected to the Colorado State legislature doesn’t mean TV evangelist Gordon Klingenschmitt is giving up his day job of spouting insane anti-gay rhetoric. Klingenschmitt was a tad bummed about the news that Ireland recently and overwhlemingly approved gay marriage. “There was a time when it was said that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland,” Klingenschmitt told viewers of his not-to-be missed “Pray in Jesus Name” telecast. “And now I’m concerned that the snakes have returned to Ireland. And when I say snakes, I’m not talking about physical snakes, I’m talking about the demonic spirits inside of some of the people you see parading their sin in pride around the country, rejecting not just the Catholic Church but rejecting Jesus Christ himself.”

So, comparing gay people to snakes. No, that's not hate speech. Klingenschmitt is known for his entirely sane takes on news events, like when he suggested that the stabbing of a pregnant Colorado woman was probably lordly retribution for the fact that abortion is legal. Or when he posted a petition on his website citing seven ways a Supreme Court ruling in favor of gay rights legally “harmed” Klingenschmitt’s traditional, and no doubt wonderful marriage to a woman. He also once accused a gay opponent of wanting to be like ISIS and behead Christians right here in America.

(Voters in Colorado, you got some ‘splaining to do.)

5. Phyllis Schlafly: Women enjoy the wage gap. Anti-feminist crackpot Phyllis Schafly proved once again this week that she has never actually spoken to a single woman in her life. She has written another book, (hooray, what the world needs now is another Phyllis Schlafly book! She has written, oh,  like, 20 of them! Turning 90 has not slowed her down one bit!) The new one is called “Who Killed The American Family.” It’s a whodunit, of course, and as Right Wing Watch points out, "Spoiler: It’s not just the gays.”

Though there are many co-conspirators in the murder of the family, Schalfly zeroed in on an odd one during the interview: “The free trade people who have done the work of the feminists by getting rid of [middle class] jobs.” Okay, a little confused. Is this uber-Republican against a free market and free trade? And since when did feminists make it their mandate to get rid of middle class jobs? We must have missed that meeting.

Did someone say jobs? That reminds Schafly of the gender pay gap, which she said is actually something that women like. Unequal pay is a turn on. “Women like to marry a man who makes more than she does,” she explained, patiently, again, “so then she can take time off and work fewer hours when she has something she’d rather do like have a kid and look after her children. So the pay gap, really, is something that women like.”

Schlafly has an interesting list of co-conspirators which she shared with VCY America’s very informative show “Crosstalk”: No-fault/unilateral divorce, U.N. treaties from bureaucrats who don't understand our way of life, expensive college loans and the family courts. Also, there’s welfare reform, globalism vs. homemakers, psychological disorders, advice from newspapers, over-medicating children, and the influence of television and more. 

She would have mentioned the Internet, but she does not know what that is. There’s also the kitchen sink. And the gays. Did we mention the gays?”

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